


you are my reason to die

by celestialsunshine



Category: Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Suicide, before and during seiko's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8116255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialsunshine/pseuds/celestialsunshine
Summary: you used to bewhat kept me going,what kept me alive.but now,as i reach for the knife,you are my reason to die.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ever since i watched episode 11 of future arc, i've been wondering what seiko's death was like. so i decided to write this, because i'd wanted to write something about her for a while anyway. 
> 
> i also just love the idea of seiko, ruruka, and izayoi all being friends together at hope's peak. i might write something about that some time.

i take a deep breath  
and close my eyes.

i thought it would be difficult  
to fight you  
when all i can think about  
is our past.  
and it kind of is.  
but at the same time,  
it's what's giving me the energy  
to oppose you.

i remember all the times  
you took advantage of me,  
used me,  
tricked me,  
and i am furious.  
all of this rage  
is making me feel like  
a completely different person  
and maybe that's a good thing  
because i can't imagine  
that the past seiko  
would ever stand up to you like this.  
(but can i really call it  
standing up to you,  
when it seems like we are both  
fighting to kill each other?)

i never wanted you  
to hate me.  
that's why  
i spent so much time  
pushing myself so hard  
just so i could please you.  
you never noticed  
that i wasn't really okay.  
(or maybe you just didn't care.)  
thinking back on it now,  
i wonder why  
i thought your approval  
was all that i needed.  
i wish that  
i had realised earlier  
that i didn't need your praise.  
i deserved so much better  
than your criticism.  
if only i knew that back then.

but i didn't know that,  
so i'm still stuck here.  
as much as i regret  
my former low self-esteem  
i am still not much without you.  
you still have izayoi,  
who is as faithful as ever,  
whereas i am alone.  
(god, i'm so alone.)

once or twice i wondered  
if maybe i loved you  
more than i thought i did.  
more like izayoi loves you.  
i'm still unsure about it  
but i try to ignore those thoughts  
because it will only make this  
harder for me.

and now you have even  
turned izayoi against me.  
i was never as close to him  
as i was to you  
and of course you were both  
far more interested in each other  
than you were interested in me.  
but still, i have always liked izayoi  
and thought of him as an ally,  
if nothing else.  
(did i ever think of him as my friend,  
or was that a title reserved  
only for you?)

i look at both of you now,  
and i am reminded  
of better times  
at hope's peak academy  
before there was  
a terrible misunderstanding  
and things changed between us  
for the rest of our lives.  
(is this wistful remembering  
a sign that my death is near?)

deep down,  
i didn't really think  
that you had betrayed me  
back then at hope's peak.  
i did suspect that  
nagito komaeda's ultimate luck  
had claimed the three of us  
as collateral damage.

but you were so adamant  
that i had turned against you  
and i was so hurt by it  
that i fired back at you  
and did not stop  
until it had been ended for us.

it is many years later now, and,  
much like the intervals of violence  
in this awful killing game,  
i suspect that my time  
is almost up.  
the tears fall  
as i realise  
just how much  
i do not want to die.  
but it is not my choice, is it?

i wonder who will find my corpse.  
how will they feel?  
will they shed a tear for seiko kimura,  
the benevolent,  
compassionate pharmacist?  
perhaps it will be you, or izayoi.  
what will you be thinking?  
i wish i knew.  
i wish i had known  
what you were thinking  
as we fought  
mere minutes ago.  
or maybe what you were thinking  
as i tirelessly worked for you  
for months on end  
while we were students.  
i never demanded anything from you.  
i tried so hard to be a good friend.  
did you ever even care?

my bracelet flashes,  
my time here is done.  
as my eyes drift closed  
for the final time,  
i hold on tightly  
to the first gift you ever gave me.  
yes, i kept it for all these years,  
as a memento of you.  
ruruka, i'm sorry.  
(i'm so alone.)

 

or maybe it is not the end.  
monokuma is speaking to me  
(a recording?)  
but i do not hear a thing  
because i'm so utterly bewildered.  
i am still alive.  
but why?  
how?

i do not question it for long.  
there is a video playing.  
i cannot take my eyes off it.  
i'm so dizzy?  
what is happening?

i'm back on the road,  
with a deceased dog in front of me.  
oh god, no.  
anything but this. 

and here you are,  
with izayoi at your heels.  
but this is not the ruruka  
from this particular time period.  
this is present day ruruka,  
vicious, scathing,  
with a look of hatred in her eyes.  
this is not want i want to see.  
and even izayoi,  
with a disapproving glare.  
what is going on?  
why am i not dead?  
i barely have time to wonder  
before this ruruka opens her mouth.

i would like to say  
that what she tells me  
is nothing i haven't heard before,  
but that would be an outright lie.  
even when you were at your worst,  
you could never be so malicious  
as this twisted version of you.  
she confirms all my worst fears  
about you and izayoi  
and leaves me petrified,  
shaking in terror.

 _you know what you have to do._  
i don't.  
_come on, seiko-chan..._  
who are you?  
you are evidently not ruruka.  
_i never did love you._  
i know that.  
_i was just using you._  
i know that.  
_i deserved so much more than you..._  
i shake my head.  
i don't understand.  
why is my instinct telling me  
to believe this imposter?  
this is not ruruka.  
it cannot be.  
_seiko-chan..._  
no.  
_seiko-chan..._  
no.  
_come on, seiko-chan..._  
but what if...  
i stare back at her  
as she taunts me  
and i wonder.  
her eyes are so enthralling  
that all i can do is stare.  
the word _despair_  
drifts through my mind  
and i know  
what she wants me to do.  
there is even a knife ready for me.  
i can be at peace soon.  
i can be safe, with her.  
with you.

you used to be  
what kept me going,  
what kept me alive.  
but now,  
as i reach for the knife,  
you are my reason to die.


End file.
